On one side of the coin, remodeling your home with your spouse can be exciting. Doing the project together can save you money and give you the joy and satisfaction of a project well done! On the other side, DIY home construction projects can demolish a relationship. We have seen some relationship be torn apart, with divorce by the overwhelming stress that can accompany a remodeling adventure. A team approach with the combined expertise of an interior designer and therapist help couples keep their eyes focused on the remodel goal, and keep the love in their relationship. This article is full of questions we hear often and solutions to help.
Q: Why is there so much conflict between couples when they are building or remodeling their home?
A: The simple answer- a couple doesn’t realize that their relationship is built, rebuilt or remodeled right along with their project. If you aren’t willing to grow, change, compromise and listen to your spouse throughout your venture; you’ll argue.
Q: What do couples fight about the most?
A: Building or remodeling a home is stressful on a relationship. Therefore, being proactive and attentive to the problems your construction project uncovers will set you up for success. There are many reasons couples fight during a construction project. We will focus on the top two here. If you’re interested in learning more, see the resource box at the bottom of this article.
#1 Reason couples fight is because they don’t have a clear financial plan they follow. Money, not sex is the hot topic that builds resentment and fear between spouses in home construction endeavors.
#2 Reason couples argue while building or remodeling is because they get overwhelmed. They are inundated with decisions, to-do lists and daily life responsibilities.
Q: What can couples do to cope with the stress?
A: There are many things you can do to equip yourselves for success.
• Anticipate the stress by recognizing your relationship will be built, rebuilt or remodeled along with your project.
• Develop two strategies ahead of time that you and your spouse can use when the arguments start or stress gets the best of you.
• Ask for help
• Take a break
• Remember… your spouse is not your enemy! (Even though they may feel like it)
Q: How could an interior designer (ID) help me?
There are many ways an ID can help you in your home construction adventure. He/she can assist you with expanding your vision or creating a new one. They may inspire you to have a “wow” factor somewhere in your project. An ID will:
• Help you avoid buying mistakes by developing a Master Plan that will flow and be cohesive throughout the endeavor.
• Know the design rules and how and when to break them. This is especially important when you have or are after an eclectic look.
• Have experience and knowledge about where to shop.
• Ask you questions that will pull from you what constitutes the theme or look that is yours, not his/or her style.
• Act as the “tie-breaker” between a husband and wife. The decision he/she makes comes from professionalism, not a desire to pair up with either the husband or wife.
An interior designer is committed to doing an excellent job for you because he/she is capable and would love a referral from you.
Q: How do you hire an interior designer?
Working with an Interior Designer is a vital component of your building or remodeling process. Your interior designer can make the difference between having a nice home to having an impressive home. Some of you are gifted with the skills of an interior designer and may not need to hire someone to help you. If you would like the expert advice, here are a few questions that can help you find the right person.
An ID can help from beginning to the end of your project or with small assignments. Questions you can ask when hiring an Interior Designer are:
1. Ask your friends and/or coworkers for a referral.
2. Can I see your (Interior designer) work up close and personal? Can I go look at their work?
3. How do you handle differences between parties involved in the building process?
4. Describe the steps you take to repair incomplete or defective work of subcontractors you work with?
5. Describe your process, steps or methods of interior design when working with a client.
6. What is included in your ID services? Ask for specifics.
Q: How can you as an interior designer and therapist help us in our home construction project?
A: You get the skills of two experts in their field. The ID can guide and direct your home construction project and make those dreams come true. The therapist can help you keep the love in your relationship throughout the project. Both experts can help you get unstuck, maintain your sanity AND enjoy the process of remodeling.
You decided to build your home ground up, or remodel for a reason. Don’t lose sight of that motive. You can equip your project and relationship with specific tools for success. Anticipate the relationship challenges just like you do with the unexpected issues in home building. Being proactive and prepared is the difference between having a solid foundation (on many levels) and a weak one that cannot withstand the trials and tribulations of your construction project.
